Bane Outtakes

~The first of the latest Batman film trilogy, Batman Begins, is one of my favorite movies.  The second film (The Dark Knight) is, as the title suggests, much darker, but Heath Ledger gave a fantastic performance as the Joker.  But I don’t much care for the final film in series, The Dark Knight Rises.  It was enough to make me wish I was watching the old Adam West Batman series from the 1960s.

Fortunately, The Dark Knight Rises can be vastly improved by substituting some of the dialogue of Bane (the main villain) with this dialogue created by youtube user Auralnauts:

^ “Not sure about the lettuce…I would have gone with the mixed greeeens.”

Here are the full lyrics to Bane’s (apparently undefeated) freestyle rap:

I'm Bane, yes, that's my name.
When you hear the name Bane, I guarantee the pain.
I'm coming after you, Bruce Wayne.
I'm stronger, smarter, and clinically insane.

I'm Bane, yes, that's my name.
Bruce Wayne and the Batman are totally the same.
I broke his back mortal comBAT smack,
then I cracked my '28 Krug champagne.

I'm Bane, yes, it's a shame.
I declare martial law, and you all complain!
I laugh when you ask why I wear the mask.
I'll explain. It's because.....

I'm Bane, yes, that's my name.
You say it too much, the name becomes inane.
Of course! Some think my plan lacks gain.
If you say it too my face, I'll crash your plane.

AHA Heart Walk – results

~I went on the heart walk today; it was a pleasant 3-mile stroll around the arena and the surrounding area:

Thanks to everyone who donated!  With your help, I was able to raise $300 for cardiovascular research and education.

Triangle Heart Walk

~I’m participating in the Triangle Heart Walk to raise money for cardiovascular research & heart disease education through the American Heart Association, as part of a team my company is sponsoring.  The walk takes place on Sunday October 7th, and you can learn more about the event and what it supports by clicking here.

We only have a few team members so far, and our goal is to raise $3,000.  I’ve set my goal to be $200, and if you’d like to donate, you can click here and click on the blue “Give Now >>” button on the right.

Business!

~How I feel when I’m at work on a long phone call with a client:

~How I feel when I’m running late to get to work:

^ Looks like this guy is inline for a promotion…

Wreck-it-Ralph

~Here is the trailer for an upcoming film from Disney called Wreck-it-Ralph.  It’s the story of an arcade game villain who’s sick of being the bad guy and wants to try his hand at being a hero…with unexpected results:

^ There are more video game cameos and references than you can shake a stick at!  I think this film will be a lot of fun.  It’s scheduled for release this November.

Transit of Venus

~On Tuesday evening (EST), the planet Venus made an extremely rare transit of the Sun.  This happens because the planets of the solar system do not orbit directly on the same plane; all of the orbits of the major planets are ever so slightly tilted from the perspective of each other, and given the immense distances of space and the diminutive size of the planets compared to the Sun, a transit is a rare event.  In fact, this only happens with Venus roughly twice every hundred years, and the last transit (in 2004) was on a day of cloudy weather here in Raleigh, so this was the only chance in my life to see it. 

And see it I did!  My mother (who teaches astronomy) brilliantly set up a viewing box on which the transit could be projected from a telescope.  The telescope, borrowed from a local amateur astronomer, also has a filter that enabled us to look safely at the Sun and observe the transit directly, but with the viewing box, everyone could see it at once.  Here are some of the pictures that I took of the event:

^ You’d think it would be easy to point the telescope at the Sun.  You’d be wrong: unlike the Moon (which, from our perspective, is only slightly smaller than the Sun), you can’t just look up to where the Sun is without special eye protection, which we lacked.  It was surprisingly difficult to align the telescope correctly on the target, but align it we eventually did.  With the solar filter removed, the bright sunlight projected out of the eyepiece and onto the cardboard box.

The small black circle at 10 o’clock is the planet Venus as it slowly made its way across the Sun.  We managed to catch the very beginning of the transit, when Venus was on the edge of the Sun, and followed it as it moved farther on.  The smaller black dots are sunspots.

^ Tuesday evening was a bit cloudy here, and we sometimes had to wait a few minutes for the Sun to emerge (which necessitated a scramble to re-align the telescope before more clouds obscured the Sun).  In the above picture, you can see clouds moving across the face of the Sun, but Venus is still visible at 10 o’clock.

^ We set up the telescope on a sidewalk at the entrance to the housing development, and we waved over people as they drove in and out.  We had quite a few people stop, and they were amazed at this twice-in-a-lifetime event.  This woman and her fiancé stopped by to see the transit.

^ The viewing box was a great idea!

If you missed the transit, I’m afraid that, barring a longevity vaccine, you’re out of luck: the next transit of Venus across the Sun won’t occur until December 10, 2117.

Paperhand Kickstarter

~Paperhand Puppet Intervention, a puppetry group based in Saxapahaw, is holding a Kickstarter campaign to raise money for their annual summer show:

I went to the show last year when it was at the North Carolina Museum of Art, and it was amazing!  I’ve also seen two other shows: Love and Robots (a science-fiction puppet rock opera with live music) and the “Big Tent Cabaret Roadshow” (a collection of short skits from previous shows).  The latter also included a performance called “Lumanity” that was one of the most impressive pieces of performance art that I’ve ever seen.

Anyway, if you’ve seen a Paperhand show before, consider donating to the Kickstarter campaign by pledging to it.  If you haven’t used Kickstarter before, it’s an online fundraising site in which you aren’t charged your pledge unless the project actually reaches its funding goal (so you never have to worry about you donation going to waste in a failed project).  Of course, you need to use your head in what you contribute to (the site offers no guarantees), but I’ve seen Paperhand’s shows before, and I know that they’re quality work.  There are also some fun & tangible rewards depending on what level you donate at.  So check out the kickstarter site, and even if you don’t donate, by all means come to see the summer show when it’s playing!  I know I’ll be there.

Amendment 1 is Bad for Everyone

~On May 8th (or earlier, if you vote early), voters in North Carolina will have the chance to vote in the 2012 primary election for their desired political party.  But in addition to that (and a couple of nonpartisan judicial seats), they’ll also be voting on a proposed amendment to the North Carolina state constitution.  You may have heard of it as the “marriage amendment”, and perhaps you have a vague idea that it defines what marriage means in the context of state law.  If that’s all you think it does, then you’re in for a rude awakening. Here is the full text of the amendment:

“Marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this State. This section does not prohibit a private party from entering into contracts with another private party; nor does this section prohibit courts from adjudicating the rights of private parties pursuant to such contracts.” (Source)

Hmmm… “domestic legal union”…what exactly does that mean?  Well, we’re going to find out (or rather, we aren’t, because nobody really knows).  And I’m going to give you some very good reasons why, even if you are completely opposed to gay marriage on principle, Amendment 1 is a bad idea for everyone in North Carolina, regardless of sexual orientation.

1. It would deny children health insurance


I usually roll my eyes at arguments that begin with a wail of “What about the children?”, but in my line of work (Healthcare IT), I’ve recently worked with two pediatrics practices, and I just spent a delightful weekend playing around with my young nieces and nephew, so I’m feeling a bit protective of kids at the moment.  So hear me out: currently, many municipalities in North Carolina extend job benefits to same-sex domestic partners (not all do, and some employers also extend benefits).  If the Amendment passes, municipalities would be forced to terminate these policies.

So what does that have to do with kids?  Although some people want to stick their heads in the sand and pretend it doesn’t happen, in many of these relationships there are children from previous relationships.  Under N.C. law, such children are legally the children of only one of the partners…do you see where I’m going with this?  If the amendment passes, a lot of kids would lose health insurance coverage because it would no longer carry over from their other mom or dad.  Sorry, kids: looks like you won’t be seeing the doctor today! Well, I suppose they can always go to the emergency room at the hospital and drive up health care costs for the rest of us...

2. It would weaken or even eliminate domestic violence laws


When two people are in a relationship, violence between them is subject to specific legal penalties that are harsher than if you attack some random guy on the street.  Society recognizes that even if people are not married, a relationship can exist, and there can be children involved as well, so the penalties are stiffer.  Makes sense, right?  But wait…if the amendment passes, then marriage is “the only legal domestic union”, right?  Legally, it would then make sense that domestic violence laws are null and void.

You might be shaking your head at the idea of this, believing that such a dramatic legal shift is unlikely or impossible if the amendment passes. House Majority Leader Paul Stam (R-Apex), who championed getting the amendment on the ballot, scoffs at the idea that this might happen. Well, I’ve got news for Mr. Stam: he’s either ignorant or lying, because it’s already happened in Ohio.  In 2004, a state constitutional amendment similar to amendment 1 was passed, and now domestic violence offenders are appealing their sentences. It’s gone all the way to state appellate courts, which have ruled state domestic violence laws unconstitutional based on the amendment.  And why shouldn’t they? After all, if marriage is the only recognized domestic legal union, then “domestic” violence can only occur within a marriage.  Outside of that, it’s “only” assault.

So remember: a vote for amendment 1 is a vote for domestic violence.  I do not exaggerate in the least.

3. It’s bad for business


North Carolina has seen remarkable economic and population growth in the past two decades, much of it built on emigration from other states.  My family, for example, moved here from upstate New York, moving to be near the Research Triangle Park area that is home to so many high-tech businesses and universities.  But competition for this business and this growth is fierce.  Passing amendment 1 would send a clear signal to the gays and lesbians of other states: “We don’t want yer kind ‘round these here parts!”


Imagine for a moment that you’re a young, well-educated, motivated, gay professional (shocking, I know).  You have a choice of where to go, or perhaps where to relocate or expand your business.  And then, along comes amendment 1.  Does this make you feel welcomed and included in North Carolina society?  Do you feel like moving here, even with business tax breaks, is a good idea for you as a person?

A large number of business leaders and local Chambers of Commerce (private business lobbying groups) are publicly opposed to passage of amendment 1.  It would make it harder for companies to recruit the best talent, since whether you’re gay or straight really has no bearing on your ability to program a computer, mix chemicals, drive a truck, teach a class, or anything else.

So regardless of your views about gay marriage, please realize that a vote for amendment 1 is a vote in favor of an economically weaker, less competitive North Carolina.

4. It’s deceptive and misleading


For those of you who have gotten this far and still believe gay marriage is frightening and that passing the amendment is the only way to stop it, let me set the record straight: gay marriage is already illegal in North Carolina.  With a conservative legislature and a historically-conservative higher court system, gay marriage is highly unlikely to become legal for the foreseeable future. 

So, if it’s already illegal, why bother?  Simple: the politicians of both parties that arranged to put this on the primary ballot don’t give a fig whether or not it passes.  It’s really about political gamesmanship: energizing voters to get out and vote for desired candidates, driving a political wedge between socially conservative but politically liberal minorities and whites, etc.  Originally, the amendment was going to be on the ballot in November for the general election, but wrangling in Raleigh got it moved to the primary. This sort of amendment is guaranteed to be a political wedge issue that, regardless of how it turns out, will leave some people feeling smug and some people feeling crushed.  It’s not good for anyone, least of all those seeking civil unions -- all the benefits and responsibilities of marriage, but without the title.  Amendment 1 would make civil unions permanently illegal in North Carolina.

So to reiterate: even if you’re against gay marriage, the amendment is pointless, because gay marriage is already illegal.  But…but…what if the law is changed?!  Surely we can’t let that happen, so don’t we need the amendment to protect our children from the Gays of the Future?  Which brings me to my final, and perhaps strongest, reason why this amendment is a terrible idea:

5. It’s the past imposing its values on the future


These who support these sorts of laws and amendments across the nation are overwhelmingly older people, those of the baby boomer generation and earlier.  The idea of gays marrying touches some deeply visceral vein of unease, making them queasy and upset, just as the idea of black people marrying white people did just a few short decades ago.  Yes, that too was also thought of as “unnatural” for violating Biblical prohibitions, and that interracial marriage would devalue same-race marriages and lead to people marrying animals, etc.  See for yourself.

But younger people are overwhelmingly opposed to such restrictions.  Why?  Because, like me, they actually know people who are gay.  Are friends with people who are gay.  Went to school with people who are gay.  Knew gay and lesbian soldiers who put their lives on the line for you. Are friends with people who are not only gay but are in same-sex relationships.  We see that these relationships are pretty much the same as opposite-sex relationships, with all the drama, heartache, fights, breaking-up, making-up, and commitment or lack thereof that “traditional” couples have.  The idea of gay people being able to say they’re married…it just doesn’t bother us in the least.  We aren’t afraid of it or disturbed by it.

If anything, people of my generation were emotionally damaged and disturbed by the massive number of divorces over the past few decades.  If anything is a threat to traditional marriages, it’s not the small number of potential gay marriages, it’s the tens of millions of broken families, of partners who were unable to commit and so shuttle their kids to each others’ homes every other weekend.  If older people truly cared about preserving traditional marriage, that’s what they’d go after, that and ridiculous hours-long celebrity marriages and shows like “Who wants to marry a millionaire?”.  I’ve been told that, if I were married, then I might feel differently, but frankly I cannot imagine any scenario in which I would somehow feel that my marriage to my as-yet-nonexistent wife would somehow be less “meaningful” if my gay friends were also married.  Hell, I’d go to their wedding, toast them, eat cake, and have a blast!


I’m not the only one who gets it.  Consider the surprising words of N.C. Speaker of the House Thom Tillis (R-Mecklenburg):

“It does appear to me to be a generational issue,” said House Speaker Thom Tillis, “so 20 or 30 years from now, if you look back at the society we were 20 or 30 years ago, it just seems to me that those who support it are going to have to work hard to keep it in place, and they are probably going to have growing pressure to keep the constitutional issue in place as well as the underlying law which we all know is already there.” (Source)

So even the politicians leading the charge to pass the amendment don’t believe that it will last (remember, it’s really just on the ballot to Get Out The Vote and Divide and Conquer).  I do not believe that the past has the right, much less the duty, to unilaterally dictate its rules and morals onto a younger generation.  Young people, as they grow into adults (and inevitably into the leaders of society) must be free to choose.  If the older generation did their job well and passed down laws and morals worth following, then they have done well and such rules will be honored.  But if not…if they try to impose rules and morals that their own adult children disagree with…well, it doesn't take a time traveller to see the inevitable result.


So remember, when you vote in the upcoming North Carolina Primary on May 8th (or with Early Voting), I encourage you to vote AGAINST the proposed Amendment 1 to the state constitution.  It’s bad for children, it’s bad for all couples regardless of orientation, it’s bad for business, it’s divisive and politically sleazy, and it’s bad for the future.  If, after all of this, I still haven’t convinced you, by all means leave a comment and I’ll be happy to discuss the issue with you further.  Happy voting!

Tom Swifties

~I enjoy creating and using puns, sometimes to the detriment of those around me.  Some consider puns to be the lowest form of humor, although in the past this was not always the case.  For example, in Ancient Egypt, puns  were considered a form of magic (although I can’t say whether or not the Egyptians found them amusing).

Today, I’d like to introduce you to a new type of pun (unless, of course, you’re already familiar with it): the Tom Swifty.  It’s a pun in which a quoted sentence is linked to a word used to describe how the sentence is said; the archetype being,

• “We must hurry,” Tom said swiftly.

This form of pun was popularized by the Tom Swift series of adventure novels, in which the author went through great pains (perhaps too great pains) to avoid using only the word “said”, in favor of using an adverb to describe how something was said (such as “swiftly” in the example above). 

They don’t always have to be adverbs, though.  Here are some great examples that I ran across recently:

• "The doctor had to remove my left ventricle," said Tom half-heartedly.
• "I used to be a pilot," Tom explained.
• "Hurry up and get to the back of the ship," Tom said sternly.
• "I love hot dogs," said Tom with relish.
• "Oh no! I dropped my toothpaste!" Tom said, crestfallen.
• "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the tomb," Tom said cryptically.
• "I manufacture tabletops for shops," said Tom counterproductively.
• "Do you want some chocolate milk?" Tom asked quickly.
• "I'm sorry the plane carrying the moon lander crashed," Tom said apologetically.
• "I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
• "Ah, my favorite bread," said Tom wryly.
• "They had to amputate them both at the ankles," said Tom, defeated.
• "Do you think the shepherdess really likes me?" Tom asked sheepishly.
• "Somebody took all of the twos out of this deck," Tom deduced.
• "Pete! Pete! Pete!" Tom repeated.
• "Why won't this crowbar open the door?" Tom pried.
• "I want a motorized bicycle" Tom moped.

Looking for more? Here’s an online dictionary of over 400 Swifties!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Choose(?) your own adventure

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!

~I recently went to the North Carolina Museum of Natural Sciences to see a special exhibit titled “Genghis Khan: The Exhibition”:

The exhibit was a series of rooms containing Mongol artifacts and modern reproductions, educational displays, and the mummy of a Mongolian woman from the time of the Big G Himself. 

The exhibit also included a clever “character” system, in which you received a bookmark at the beginning of the exhibit with the name and description of one of six fictitious people who might have lived during the lifetime of Genghis Khan.  Throughout the exhibit, there were electronic displays that let you track your character’s life and development.  I had Ivan, a Russian who was going to be a priest, but drank too much and later became a spy in service of the Mongols.

 

^ My favorite part of the exhibit was this life-size display of Mongolian warriors.  I wouldn’t want to meet these guys on the steppes, unless of course I was carrying one of the diplomatic passports issued by the Khan to messengers and dignitaries such as Marco Polo.

^ There were plenty of ancient weapons on display.  These bad boys were probably used by Mongolian warriors, such as the bad boys in the previous picture.

 

^ Me in front of the statue of Genghis Khan at the entrance to the exhibit.

One of the principal aims of the exhibition was to, in at least some ways, “reform” the popular image of Genghis Khan as a bloodthirsty conquering warlord.  It pointed out the many cultural achievements of the Mongolian empire, which integrated many different cultures, religions, ethnicities, and territories.  Under Genghis’ rule, there was a significant increase in travel, trade, and cultural exchange between Europe and East Asia, as well as the development of legal codes and the construction of an amazing capital city.

That being said, I couldn’t help but notice that according to a timeline in the exhibit, by around 150 years after Genghis Khan’s death in 1227 (which occurred of sickness during a campaign to subdue a rebellious province in China), his empire had ceased to exist. His glorious capital city of Khara Khorum was razed, and is now little more than a few shattered stone walls.  His homeland is now sandwiched between and dominated by its far more powerful neighbors.  While Genghis Khan’s rule may have stimulated trade and cultural exchange, this was done at the cost of tens of millions of lives and unfathomable suffering and destruction; entire advanced civilizations, such as the Xi Xia, were wiped out by the Mongol horde.  It’s a bit like wondering if the technological achievements that came out of World War II (such as space travel) somehow justify the toll in human suffering that conflict engendered.  I think most (sane) people would favor a more peaceful path to development, even if it takes longer.

The mummy was interesting – her clothes were amazingly well-preserved – but the biggest prize of Mongol history (and perhaps that of the entire discipline of archaeology itself) remains undiscovered: the tomb of Genghis Khan himself.  Perhaps somewhere out there on the Mongolian steppes lies a tomb of such incredible riches and archaeological value that it is rivaled only by the tomb of King Tutankhamen!  I hope I live to see the day that the Khan’s legacy is brought to light.

Of course, no piece of writing about Genghis Khan would be complete without this:

If I Had a Nickel For Every Time I’ve Been to Monticello…

~…I’d have exactly 5 cents.  That’s because last week, I went to Charlottesville, Virginia, to see the late Thomas “T.J.” Jefferson’s house.  You may have heard of him: he was ambassador to France, argued a lot with Alexander Hamilton, designed gadgets (like an automatic door), and I think he may have been elected to some sort of political office, and possibly wrote a paper of some kind.

^Anyway, our first stop was a park on the outskirts of town, home to the Lewis and Clark Exploratory Center.  Charlottesville was where the famous Lewis & Clark expedition began (more or less), and outside of the (unfortunately closed) Exploratory Center was a full-size replica of a riverboat similar to that used by the titular explorers.

^ The Rivanna River flowed past the park.  It looks great for kayaking!

^ Dad, hanging out on a boat ramp along the river.

^ The next day, we were ready for Monticello.  After driving up the mountain, we encountered this statue of T.J. outside the visitor’s center.

^ The famous house itself that we’ve all seen a thousand times on the back of five-cent coins.  Jefferson designed the house himself and continued to add to it throughout his life.  Built on land he inherited, the architectural style was inspired by classical Greco-Roman buildings Jefferson admired while living in Europe.

^ From the other side.

^ [Please click on the above panoramic image for a much better view]
Monticello isn’t just a house, it’s an estate.  It has two wings with rooms built into the hillside (slave quarters, stables, and storage), and two outbuildings on either side.  The building on the left was an office of Jefferson’s son-in-law, while the one on the right was actually the home of Jefferson and his wife while the main building was being constructed.

^ The left wing of Monticello.  The main house is just visible on the right.  Notice how the ground slopes down and the outlying wing is built into the ground.  Tunnels lead into basement storage and work areas.  Most of the work was done in these underground areas: cooking, washing, storage, and so forth (by slaves, of course); this left the rooms in the main house free for rest and entertainment.

^ Stables under one of the wings of the estate.  Debatably more comfortable than the slave quarters.

^ Monticello was (and is) a productive, working plantation, not a rest home for a retired politician.  Hundreds of workers, both free and slave, worked here to produce a large variety of foods and goods.  The picture above shows part of the garden area.  Of course, this being winter it was mostly fallow, but each section of the garden was marked with replica signs showing Jefferson’s unique classification system, displaying the wide variety of vegetables grown here.

^ Another view of the gardens.  They are still in use today.  Incidentally, Monticello has been owned by the Thomas Jefferson Foundation since 1923, and is also listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site.  As you can see from the above image, it also commands an impressive view of the surrounding countryside, especially in the winter.

^ Taken from the back of Monticello, showing another mountain behind the estate.  Farther down the path is a cemetery with Jefferson’s grave (and his impressive tombstone).

^ The vineyards.  These must be impressive in the summer!  Jefferson loved his wine; in fact, when I heard him speak recently, he described wine as “A panacea for all ills and conducive to fine conversation!”

^ This chimney and foundation stones are all that remain of a building near the vineyards that was once a house for some of the slaves.

^ Mom in front of one of the many impressive trees on the estate grounds.

^ Another bizarre tree!

The interior of the house was as impressive as the outside, filled with interesting artifacts (both original and replicas), as well as many of Jefferson’s inventions, such as a weighted clock that displayed both the time and the day.  However, photography is prohibited inside, so if you want to know what it looks like, you’ll have to visit Monticello yourself!