Some things make no cents

~I find it difficult to spend money on non-essentials. I'll often subconsciously put off purchases of things I'd like to buy, and then I'll sometimes buy something inferior that displeases me simply because it is less expensive than what I originally wanted.

For example, when I was in Japan, one of the first things I bought was a bicycle helmet (making me one of the only people I ever saw actually wearing one) because I considered it essential. It cost me around $30. However, I hated that helmet -- it was heavy, hot, and looked absurd. Shortly after buying it, I found a much better helmet at a sporting goods store, but it was ~$70. I really, really wanted that helmet...but I already had one, so I put off buying the second one for months. When I finally did get around to buying it, I felt a tremendous weight coming off of my shoulders...both literally and figuratively.

Intellectually, I understand the fallacy of sunk costs, but viscerally, I rebel against the entire concept. Frankly, I'm scared to actually spend money whether or not it's mine; when I bought my car with my parent's help, I nearly had a nervous fit. My body was shaking so much that I could barely stand or sign my name, and I assure you they were not shakes of excitement.

I consider this quality to be one of the great personal challenges of my life that I hope to eventually overcome. Part of it, I'm sure, comes from hereditary genetic factors, part of it from formative childhood incidents, the rest from my own financial realities at various stages in my life. That last part is undoubtedly the smallest; my teaching job paid quite well, certainly more than I've made since, but it in no way diminished my avoidance of spending on something as simple as a bicycle helmet. People like me, I'm sure, haunt the nightmares of those who work for the Department of Commerce, who depend on consumer spending and debt to drive the economy.

One idea that I've found useful is this simple idea: that it's ok to spend money on things that you enjoy. Of course, this assumes that you have some sort of income, but as I said, for someone like me it's still a difficult thought to internalize.

Fortunately, twinned to my fear of spending is something I consider much more positive: the enjoyment of simple pleasures. It doesn't take much in the way of material goods to keep me happy. Despite my high school economics teacher's obsession with the phrase "T.I.N.S.T.A.A.F.L.", I believe that the best things in life really are free.