Making friends with...monkeys!

~Making new friends is not always easy...especially when your new pal is a monkey:

Hilarious Japanese Fanta Collection

~Here's a hilarious compilation of Fanta commercials from Japan:

Oh Japan., you crack me up. My favorite part is Shogun-sensei @1:10: INSOLENCE!

CHOOSE!

Found in the business center of a hotel in Toronto:

...words fail me.

Superiority

~Spotted on the wrapper of my chopsticks while eating some pad Thai at a Noodles & Company restaurant:

Sometimes, it's the little things in life that matter.

Triskaidekaphobic Architecture?

~I haven't seen this in a building in a long time:

^ I first noticed the missing floor when I was going up the stairs, and it seemed to take less time than it ought to have...

Share It Maybe

Much better than the original song (which a disturbingly large number of radio stations seem eternally tuned to):

^ "Please someone call the girl scout!"

Bane Outtakes

~The first of the latest Batman film trilogy, Batman Begins, is one of my favorite movies.  The second film (The Dark Knight) is, as the title suggests, much darker, but Heath Ledger gave a fantastic performance as the Joker.  But I don’t much care for the final film in series, The Dark Knight Rises.  It was enough to make me wish I was watching the old Adam West Batman series from the 1960s.

Fortunately, The Dark Knight Rises can be vastly improved by substituting some of the dialogue of Bane (the main villain) with this dialogue created by youtube user Auralnauts:

^ “Not sure about the lettuce…I would have gone with the mixed greeeens.”

Here are the full lyrics to Bane’s (apparently undefeated) freestyle rap:

I'm Bane, yes, that's my name.
When you hear the name Bane, I guarantee the pain.
I'm coming after you, Bruce Wayne.
I'm stronger, smarter, and clinically insane.

I'm Bane, yes, that's my name.
Bruce Wayne and the Batman are totally the same.
I broke his back mortal comBAT smack,
then I cracked my '28 Krug champagne.

I'm Bane, yes, it's a shame.
I declare martial law, and you all complain!
I laugh when you ask why I wear the mask.
I'll explain. It's because.....

I'm Bane, yes, that's my name.
You say it too much, the name becomes inane.
Of course! Some think my plan lacks gain.
If you say it too my face, I'll crash your plane.

Business!

~How I feel when I’m at work on a long phone call with a client:

~How I feel when I’m running late to get to work:

^ Looks like this guy is inline for a promotion…

Tom Swifties

~I enjoy creating and using puns, sometimes to the detriment of those around me.  Some consider puns to be the lowest form of humor, although in the past this was not always the case.  For example, in Ancient Egypt, puns  were considered a form of magic (although I can’t say whether or not the Egyptians found them amusing).

Today, I’d like to introduce you to a new type of pun (unless, of course, you’re already familiar with it): the Tom Swifty.  It’s a pun in which a quoted sentence is linked to a word used to describe how the sentence is said; the archetype being,

• “We must hurry,” Tom said swiftly.

This form of pun was popularized by the Tom Swift series of adventure novels, in which the author went through great pains (perhaps too great pains) to avoid using only the word “said”, in favor of using an adverb to describe how something was said (such as “swiftly” in the example above). 

They don’t always have to be adverbs, though.  Here are some great examples that I ran across recently:

• "The doctor had to remove my left ventricle," said Tom half-heartedly.
• "I used to be a pilot," Tom explained.
• "Hurry up and get to the back of the ship," Tom said sternly.
• "I love hot dogs," said Tom with relish.
• "Oh no! I dropped my toothpaste!" Tom said, crestfallen.
• "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the tomb," Tom said cryptically.
• "I manufacture tabletops for shops," said Tom counterproductively.
• "Do you want some chocolate milk?" Tom asked quickly.
• "I'm sorry the plane carrying the moon lander crashed," Tom said apologetically.
• "I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
• "Ah, my favorite bread," said Tom wryly.
• "They had to amputate them both at the ankles," said Tom, defeated.
• "Do you think the shepherdess really likes me?" Tom asked sheepishly.
• "Somebody took all of the twos out of this deck," Tom deduced.
• "Pete! Pete! Pete!" Tom repeated.
• "Why won't this crowbar open the door?" Tom pried.
• "I want a motorized bicycle" Tom moped.

Looking for more? Here’s an online dictionary of over 400 Swifties!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

NOPE

~I’m a bit late to the party on this one (it’s been viewed over 6.2 million times), but in case you haven’t seen it, here is the most hilarious viral marketing commercial you’re ever likely to see:

 

NOPE!

Rise of the Machines

~The chart below shows yesterday’s top stories on the BBC News website.  Perhaps they’re onto something?

Links:

• Skynet seeks idle computer power
• Supercomputer predicts revolution

Now it’s only a matter of time before Skynet develops time travel:

Carl Sagan’s COSMOS (edited for rednecks)

DAG GUMMIT!

~A small selection of blooper outtakes from sport fisherman Bill Dance’s television show, “Bill Dance Outdoors”:

^ While watching this video, I kept hearing this voice in the back of my head saying, “That would be wrong…”

The Origin of Job Interviews

~Apparently, some things were not so different back then:

The Best Chemistry Video Ever

This requires no explanation.  Enjoy.

Super Mario Bros. Theme on Violin

~If I were an eccentric billionaire, I would hire this man (white tux and all) to play the violin for me while I play Super Mario Brothers with the sound turned off:

How To Report The News

~BBC reporter Chris Booker gives a special report on every boring special report that you've ever seen on the news:

Why Your Printer Never Works Properly

I think we can all relate to this:

Did you know that the cost of printer ink is approximately $8,000 per gallon?? Think about that the next time you're pumping gas at the gas station. One reason that the price is so ridiculously high is that large printer manufacturers pressure vendors to squeeze out third-party ink suppliers and refillers, and also create their printers in such a way that they will have "problems" (or simply reject) ink cartridges from other companies.

This amusing comic, titled "Why I Believe Printers Were Sent From Hell to Make Us Miserable", points out that despite vast increases in computing power over the past decade, printers remain just as annoying and unreliable. Why, for example, do many printers refuse to print black-ink-only documents if the printer is low on color ink? Why do printer manufacturers insult consumers by selling printers for less than the cost of ink refills (making it more economical to simply buy new printers that include ink rather than buying ink refills)? Why are consumer "photo printers" so terrible at printing photos?

It seems that for some questions, the world is not ready for answers.

Flaunting Danger

~Here's another one of jandrew's Star Trek edits. It made me laugh so hard I got hiccups and probably woke up my neighbors. For the full effect, make sure you turn your sound up:



^ Remember, Captain: practice makes perfect.